My kids are not always easy kids. I’m not always a great mom to them.
But I’ve started to reframe things.
You see, my usual way of being with my kids is that I worry, I see things I want to “work on” in them, and I try to get things done.
I don’t pay attention to the “A’s” and “B’s” in the progress report, but get laser-focused on the “D”.
I don't take time to notice all the things that our kids do well, only to see the things that they could do better…
But recently, I’ve been trying to be different.
I’ve been looking for and identifying their gifts rather than just worrying about their so-called flaws.
Here is a page from my journal… a letter I wrote to my daughter about the gifts that I see in her.
Maybe it will be helpful for you too, on your parenting journey.
I think you’ll especially relate to this letter if you have a child who, like mine, is more ____ [active, sensitive, persistent, passionate, etc.] than other kids.
Can you relate to this?
Dear Daughter,
A few days ago you said something that made me really think… you said, “Mom, you believe things about me that aren’t true”.
Hmmm…
Have I created a story in my head? Is it blinding me from seeing who you truly are?
I do have a story about you.
I see you as my “muy” daughter.
Muy means “very” in Spanish.
You are my muy daughter because you are very everything.
You are muy artistic… You see the beads of water on the windshield, a leaf covered in frost, the color in someone’s eyes. You paint. You draw. You doodle. You see things that I don’t even notice.
You are muy passionate… You care deeply about lots of things… your “crush”, your family, and your friends. You make sure they are safe and cared for.
You are muy empathetic… You feel your emotions deeply. You feel other people’s emotions too. When others are hurt; you hurt. I wonder if you feel the emotions of others so deeply, that you sometimes don’t know what to do about it.
You are muy persistent… You hold your ground. You don’t let others boss you around. Some people might not appreciate your leadership style, but it’s effective. You see a problem and you know how to fix it, you don’t entertain idleness or incompetence.
You are muy decisive… You know what you want, what movie you like, where you want to eat dinner, and what you will, and will not, do. And yet, you sometimes give up so others can have what they want too.
You are muy inspired… to read a good book, delve into a TV series, or decorate your bedroom at 2 at night.
You are muy sensitive… to spicy foods, soft sweatshirts, the smell of my hair, or the scent on your friend’s shoulder.
You are muy thoughtful… you think about other people, you imagine what it would be like to have someone else’s life. Even when someone hurts you, you often think about what they are feeling.
You are muy liked… you have friends in many different social groups, a mosaic of people who enjoy being with you. You seem to be able to get almost any boy in the school to like you.
You are muy loud… (especially with your friends) you like your music loud, you laugh loudly, and express yourself loudly as if to say, “World, look at me now!”
You are muy cuddly… You like hugs, piggyback rides, snuggles, and sitting on someone’s lap.
You are muy athletic… You are strong when you arm wrestle me. When you were little you had calluses from the monkey bars and 6-pack abs. You move with grace and coordination even though you’ve never taken sports or dance classes.
You are muy intelligent… your teacher said that he’d never taught someone who was naturally so fluent in math. You understand complicated words that you’ve only seen in books, and you use them appropriately in conversations. You remember. You connect things.
This is my story of who you are. You are my muy daughter. This is the story I hold of you in my head.
Does it blind me from seeing you? Maybe.
Maybe you are also blind to seeing these things in yourself.
I hope I am your mirror. To reflect your goodness back to you.
I’m not sure you see your goodness the way I do.
It is a great gift to be so muy.
And it is also tiresome. I know.
Maybe your muy gets misunderstood. Maybe you push it down, lock it up, and shove it away.
Sometimes people are confused by your muy.
And yet, your muy is your superpower.
Draw strength from it.
Use it.
Cherish it.
Dare I say, love it.
And there is another reason you are muy.
Because in the middle of muy is “u”; the outside is “my”.
So U are surrounded by MY love.
My love for you is deeper than the ocean.
Hotter than the sun.
Wider than the sky.
Softer than kitty fur.
And wherever your muy takes you, my love will be there too, surrounding you.
That is my promise!
I will always love you, my muy daughter, my very daughter.
From your very Mom,
Cecilia
Do you have a muy child too?
Very spirited?
Very careful?
Very enthusiastic?
Share in the comments below what your child’s superpower is…