Teens and tweens are really good at pushing boundaries.

How do you set a limit with your older child or teen without creating a rupture in your relationship?

How do you know when to hold your ground? Or when to be swayed by your teen?

These are the questions we asked Kim John Payne, founder of Simplicity Parenting and author of Being At Your Best When Your Kids Are At Their Worst.

Here’s what he said…

Our 4 takeaways from this conversation are:

1. Have compassion

“Be a big heart with ears.”

2. Be curious

Ask “Can you help me understand how you see it?” (With a younger child ask, “Can you help me understand what is going wrong?”)

3. Self-centeredness is okay

“Teens can be spectacularly disinterested in our opinions but very interested in their direction.” This may look like being self-centered but it’s actually self-directed.

4. Help them go in their direction

Say, “I want to help you get where you want to go, without getting caught in distractions.” Ask a teen, “Will this help you go toward your direction, or is this a distraction?”

In the comments below tell us which of these 4 takeaways are you going to bring back to your family this week?

Resources:

More information about Kim John Payne, his books, his programs, and a free Simplicity Starter Kit can be found at Simplicity Parenting.

Get the full interview in The Village by Happily Family.

And if you’d like to be on LIVE, while we talk to luminaries like this AND get coaching with Cecilia and Jason, join The Village.